Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

The first Wednesday and Thursday of each month at Melbourne’s own 3D jigsaw puzzle, Federation square, holds wine tasting. Each month they focus on a region where you saunter on up, pay you’re $13 plus $2 deposit for a glass and head off into the sea of Melburnians getting tasted.

I pay my $13 and I pay my $2 deposit knowing all too well that I will never see that $2 again.

I was in a mood and needed a drink.

I head off into the sea of tasted Melburnians to sample what the Sunbury region & Macedon Ranges has to offer this lonely wino.

The tramps at the $13 and $2 deposit counter had also given me a sheet of paper with all the wineries on show listed. I look around and see people writing on their pieces of paper.

I side step up to a well dressed business man surrounded by what looked like an assortment of receptionists. I assessed this lad straight away as an ass, and asked him for a pen.

“Sure buddy you can borrow mine, but it’s a boomerang remember”

“Sure Champ, be back in a jiffy” (click, click with my shooter fingers and a wink and I was off)

Fucking retard, I could hear him as I walked away. “Why yes the aroma of this Merlot by no means measures up to its pallet”.

Cock

I head over to the first winery stick out my glass.

“Which one would like to try first sir”

“The one in you’re hand will do”

“Well sir this is a ………..

“Yeah, yeah I can read, just pour the fucking glass”

It was Viognier, and a fine example of why this variety should only be produced in the Rhone valley, France where it belongs.

That vinegar put me off the whites so I started on the Red’s.

As I walked the line dodging ‘well dressed business man’ and writing on my piece of paper which so far only had the words crap, crapper and not as crap as the rest, I bumped into an old (girl) friend who I had lost contact with when she went overseas in search of love and hope, too which I told her she could find standing next to Santa & Jesus.

Lucy and I use to haunt the streets of Melbourne for years when we worked together and for some time after. It was a grand partnership as our focus for each night was drink and pussy.

Most nights ended in her getting the pussy and me getting the drink.

Give a girl a choice of cock or cunt and they go cunt 80% of the time.

Well fuck did that light a fire cracker of joy right up my ass.

Lucy distracted the attendant while I borrowed a couple bottles of red from a ‘not as crappy as the rest’ winery.

I marked that down on my tramp paper as my ‘red of choice’ and handed it to a tramp.

We walked down to Fitzroy Gardens, cracked open a bottle, fed some ducks and talked till 3am this morning.

I walked in the front door and hopped into bed to which I was promptly told to “Get the fuck out of”

I woke on the couch 1 hour after I was meant to leave for work.

I missed my morning meeting

My computer froze and I had to wait for a Super IT Wizard to come and turn the cunt on and off.

Forgot my 2pm meeting

And had one of my staff tell me she’s bleeding heavily from her cunt and that there is blood on her seat to which as soon as I looked at, was joined by my vomit.

That better be Santa and Jesus over there, because I need some fucking love and hope.

Thank fuck it’s a long weekend

Enjoy Fuckers.