“Can you take me away from here?”
“I can take you 150 kilometres north”
“That’s far enough”
We sat in the car not saying a word to each other
The silence was loud and unbearable
I could here her thoughts and mine mixing together over the sound of the tyres on the road
It was raining and the wipers were on full, it was really coming down
“Do you want to stop and get a coffee?”
“I have no money”
“I have money”
“Can I have something to eat?”
“You can have something to eat”
We pull into a roadside café and I park next to a big semi with writing on the side;
‘You holler we haul it’
Inside the café Johnny Cash is playing on the stereo, something from one of his last albums, you can tell because he sings with purpose like he does not want to die mid song.
The lady behind the counter is fat and round and stinks of cigarettes and mothballs, black veins run the length of her legs and her name tag says ‘Glenda’
I order two coffees
Black
And a breakfast omelette for my traveller
We sit in a booth with one of them mini jukeboxes on the end of the table, surrounded by crusty condiments
“Can I play a song?”
“Sure”
I give her a dollar and within a minute Roberta Flak’s ‘Tonight I celebrate my love for you’ silks out of the speakers.
Glenda brings us our coffee and breakfast omelette and as she walks away her ass wiggles from side to side and the black veins strain against her skin and verge on popping out her legs; squirting black blood behind her ass has she wiggles away.
“Do you think Glenda has someone to celebrate her love with?” asks my traveller
“I dunno, probably, she has that ass, a man could get lost in that ass for months”
“Do you think that’s all love is, is fucking?”
“Glenda doesn’t look the talking type; she looks like she’s lived a life of actions not words. But no, there’s more to love than fucking”.
“Like what?”
“Like time”
“Like time?”
“Yeah like time, you gotta spend allot of time on this planet and if you wanna spend the most of that time with the one person you gotta like em, don’t you think”
“Like em or love em”
“Whatever”
“Do you have someone to celebrate your love with?”
“Just eat your damn omelette”
“I’m not hungry”
“Then why’d you order it?”
“You were paying”
“Fuck”
“So then traveller does you have someone to celebrate your love with?”
“I did but not now”
“What happened?”
“He would come home at nights drunk and rape and beat me and call me names like ‘filthy cunt’ and ‘worthless whore’ and poor beer on me as he fucked and beat me”.
“Fuck”
“Yep and then I would take a shower and clean the sheets of blood and beer and he would be snoring loud on the couch and then I would put a blanket over him and go to bed.”
“Is that what you’re running away from? Him”
“No not anymore”
“Divorced?”
“I killed him”
“Fuck”
“So mister you wanna eat my breakfast omelette?’
“Sure”
We sat there in silence as I ate the breakfast omelette and Roberta Flak faded away to join in on the silence.
I could feel her staring at me
“I gotta go the toilet”
“Sure”
“Can you come with me? I’m afraid of public toilets”
“Sure”
I put the fork down and followed my traveller into the toilet
She undid her belt and pulled down her panties and squatted an inch from the seat
Her legs were thin and bruised and sexy, her cunt full grown and bushy
Silence was broken by her stream of piss hitting the toilet
She looked up at me watching her piss
And smiled
And Johnny Cash started singing with a purpose……………….
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday’s Movie Night; A real tear jerker
“Can you play an instrument?”
“I can play you”
“I’m not an instrument”
“Yes you are, you’re the most easily played instrument around”
“I have no strings”
“You have strings of the heart”
“They are unplayable”
“I play them well”
“You play them well?”
“I play them well”
“Can you teach me?”
“You can learn”
“How?”
“From your mistakes”
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes”
“Then you will learn fast”
“Teach me”
“In time”
“I have time”
“Time for me?”
“Time for you”
“You’re learning fast”
“Wanna fuck?”
“See, you know a string”
“A string of your heart?”
“The strings of you”
“So you wanna fuck”
“Of course I do”
She’s sitting on the couch, naked in a white robe
She lifts her leg and farts
And takes me in her mouth
The music plays
And my heart skips a string...............
“I can play you”
“I’m not an instrument”
“Yes you are, you’re the most easily played instrument around”
“I have no strings”
“You have strings of the heart”
“They are unplayable”
“I play them well”
“You play them well?”
“I play them well”
“Can you teach me?”
“You can learn”
“How?”
“From your mistakes”
“I’ve made plenty of mistakes”
“Then you will learn fast”
“Teach me”
“In time”
“I have time”
“Time for me?”
“Time for you”
“You’re learning fast”
“Wanna fuck?”
“See, you know a string”
“A string of your heart?”
“The strings of you”
“So you wanna fuck”
“Of course I do”
She’s sitting on the couch, naked in a white robe
She lifts her leg and farts
And takes me in her mouth
The music plays
And my heart skips a string...............
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Machine
A man walked up to me in the street and said
“Hey mister, nice to meet you”
I looked at him
“Is it?”
“Why yes is it, it’s a beautiful day and the sun is out, you are walking and I am walking and I don’t have to work another day in my life”
“Well the sun is a cunt and I’m walking cause my car broke down and I’m lookin down the barrel at another 20 years of 9 to 5”
“You’re leaning too hard on the machine man; you gotta not lean so hard on the machine”
“Too late I’m in the machine, programmed, hardwired;
Wake up
Shower
Masturbate
Eat toast
Drink coffee
Drink water
Pull out the drive
Turn left
Turn right
Stop
Go
Morning
Log on
Hello
Espresso no sugar, strong
You will have that by 3pm
Eat
Shit
Log off
Turn right
Turn left
Bins out
Dinner
Whisky
TV
Fuck
Sleep
“See you’re leaning too hard man, you lean too hard and the machine takes your soul and all you’re left with is a bag a bones and no soul”
“What the hell have you got”
“I’ve got a soul man, I don’t have no car, I don’t have no house, no wife, no kids, no job, no boss, no friends, no food and no cares”
“You’ve got it all man”
“Yep I sure do man, I got it all man, all I need, right here” tapping his chest
“Good for you, you got it all, all you need, good for you, I’ll see ya around, good for you”
“I got it all man”
“Good for you”
“Hey mister”
“Yeah”
“Spare some change?”
“Hey mister, nice to meet you”
I looked at him
“Is it?”
“Why yes is it, it’s a beautiful day and the sun is out, you are walking and I am walking and I don’t have to work another day in my life”
“Well the sun is a cunt and I’m walking cause my car broke down and I’m lookin down the barrel at another 20 years of 9 to 5”
“You’re leaning too hard on the machine man; you gotta not lean so hard on the machine”
“Too late I’m in the machine, programmed, hardwired;
Wake up
Shower
Masturbate
Eat toast
Drink coffee
Drink water
Pull out the drive
Turn left
Turn right
Stop
Go
Morning
Log on
Hello
Espresso no sugar, strong
You will have that by 3pm
Eat
Shit
Log off
Turn right
Turn left
Bins out
Dinner
Whisky
TV
Fuck
Sleep
“See you’re leaning too hard man, you lean too hard and the machine takes your soul and all you’re left with is a bag a bones and no soul”
“What the hell have you got”
“I’ve got a soul man, I don’t have no car, I don’t have no house, no wife, no kids, no job, no boss, no friends, no food and no cares”
“You’ve got it all man”
“Yep I sure do man, I got it all man, all I need, right here” tapping his chest
“Good for you, you got it all, all you need, good for you, I’ll see ya around, good for you”
“I got it all man”
“Good for you”
“Hey mister”
“Yeah”
“Spare some change?”
Monday, October 20, 2008
A Commissioned Spring
“Bo I want to go out”
“I’m writing”
“But you’re always writing, I want to go out, it’s nice outside”
“It’s nice inside too, we have music and drink and air-conditioning and what more could you want”
“I want more Bo”
“I can’t give you more”
“Bo what will I do when you die?”
“You will eat, sleep, drink, fuck, dress yourself, walk around and bitch”
“But I need security”
“Then get a dog”
“NO not that kind of security, emotional and financial security”
“OK you win let’s go out”
“But what about security”
“One thing at a time”
“Now you want to go out or what, grab your coat”
Penny always brings a topic round to emotions or financial security but the trick is to put her off the scent by introducing a new topic, a new conversation for the reason that no matter what the topic might be she will always have an opinion and will just be happy to talk, talk and talk.
Women are wonderful at this; they can play for hours and if they start to slow down just start another topic and you can daydream for another hour or so.
“Where are we going Bo?”
“To see Marcel”
“But why Marcel”
“Because you wanted to go out”
Marcel lives on the 18th floor in a commission housing project and is the most remarkable painter I have ever seen.
Out the front of his building Penny and I pass a group of kids hanging around and one of them whistles at Penny and yells “show us your cunt ay”, “yeah show us ya hairy cunt”
“Here we go” I think to myself
And with that Penny is off, running and screaming after the boy
“Come here you little son of a bitch, I’ll kill you, you know, just you wait”
I sit down on the bench and light a cigarette and watch Penny run after the boy
The sun is out and it shines bright down on Penny as she runs, she’s wearing her favorite summer dress but in spring and the flowers are out and it all looks so nice and I take another drag on my cigarette and watch as she catches the boy and sits atop him and starts punching and clawing at his face and the sun is shining and the flowers are out and it’s a lovely spring day.
As I finish my cigarette Penny walks towards me with a big smile on her face and brushes the dirt and grass off her knees and her favorite summer dress in spring.
“See what I did Bo? I got the little prick”
“Yes I did dear and how lovely you looked”
“I got the little prick good didn’t I Bo?”
“You sure did dear”
We get into the lift and I press floor 18
I knock on Marcel’s door
The door pops open and there is Marcel
”Peek-a-boo…… oh it’s you… sorry come in”
“What the hell’s the matter with you?” I said
“I thought it was Lisa” he said
“You play peek-a-boo with Lisa?”
“Just come in and sit down will ya”
The apartment is covered in paintings and empty beer cans and brushes and pizza boxes and mouse traps in all the corners and empty tubes of paint and dead mice
“This place is disgusting” says Penny “when was the last time you cleaned?”
“Cleaned?” said Marcel with a puzzled look on his face
“Come here I want to show you something”
We follow Marcel into his bathroom where he sits on the toilet and perched in front of him is a canvas on an easel and next to that a tray with different colored paints on it and brushes
“See I can paint while I shit, I can sit here all day and paint and shit and Lisa brings me drinks and food and I don’t have to go anywhere, I can just eat, drink, shit and paint, it’s marvellous”
“It’s genius” I say
“It’s disgusting and gross and unhygienic and the most disturbing thing I have ever seen” says Penny, “what does Lisa think of it?”
“She loves it, she gets the house to herself and when she wants to go to the toilet I just stand to the side”
“I’m getting out of here” yells Penny
We all go out into the lounge room and the front door opens and in walks Lisa
“Lisa Oh it’s so awful how do you put up with it? Bringing drinks and food to him in the toilet” says Penny
“Some of his best paintings have been done on the toilet”
“Oh Lisa it’s so awful”
Marcel throws his hands in the air as he walks across to Penny and yells
“We all shit, we are born and then we shit, we shit till we die and then when we die they suck the last bit of shit you have right out of you.”
“I paint to fill in time between shits”
“So that’s what you want to be known for? Painting and shitting” barks Penny
“Precisely, In fact you can do my eulogy, you will read”
Here lies Marcel Zimmerman, he was not a great man but a man non the least, a man who wanted nothing more than to paint and shit and eat and fuck, He was not a great man but a man non the least.
I laughed so hard I tripped on a beer can and landed on my ass, laughing among all the dead mice and the empty pizza boxes.
“What’s so funny you asshole?” yells Penny, “your not going to be remembered for much more, what do you suppose I will say at your funeral?”
Here lies Bo Bo, I wanted more, he could not give me more…………………..
“I’m writing”
“But you’re always writing, I want to go out, it’s nice outside”
“It’s nice inside too, we have music and drink and air-conditioning and what more could you want”
“I want more Bo”
“I can’t give you more”
“Bo what will I do when you die?”
“You will eat, sleep, drink, fuck, dress yourself, walk around and bitch”
“But I need security”
“Then get a dog”
“NO not that kind of security, emotional and financial security”
“OK you win let’s go out”
“But what about security”
“One thing at a time”
“Now you want to go out or what, grab your coat”
Penny always brings a topic round to emotions or financial security but the trick is to put her off the scent by introducing a new topic, a new conversation for the reason that no matter what the topic might be she will always have an opinion and will just be happy to talk, talk and talk.
Women are wonderful at this; they can play for hours and if they start to slow down just start another topic and you can daydream for another hour or so.
“Where are we going Bo?”
“To see Marcel”
“But why Marcel”
“Because you wanted to go out”
Marcel lives on the 18th floor in a commission housing project and is the most remarkable painter I have ever seen.
Out the front of his building Penny and I pass a group of kids hanging around and one of them whistles at Penny and yells “show us your cunt ay”, “yeah show us ya hairy cunt”
“Here we go” I think to myself
And with that Penny is off, running and screaming after the boy
“Come here you little son of a bitch, I’ll kill you, you know, just you wait”
I sit down on the bench and light a cigarette and watch Penny run after the boy
The sun is out and it shines bright down on Penny as she runs, she’s wearing her favorite summer dress but in spring and the flowers are out and it all looks so nice and I take another drag on my cigarette and watch as she catches the boy and sits atop him and starts punching and clawing at his face and the sun is shining and the flowers are out and it’s a lovely spring day.
As I finish my cigarette Penny walks towards me with a big smile on her face and brushes the dirt and grass off her knees and her favorite summer dress in spring.
“See what I did Bo? I got the little prick”
“Yes I did dear and how lovely you looked”
“I got the little prick good didn’t I Bo?”
“You sure did dear”
We get into the lift and I press floor 18
I knock on Marcel’s door
The door pops open and there is Marcel
”Peek-a-boo…… oh it’s you… sorry come in”
“What the hell’s the matter with you?” I said
“I thought it was Lisa” he said
“You play peek-a-boo with Lisa?”
“Just come in and sit down will ya”
The apartment is covered in paintings and empty beer cans and brushes and pizza boxes and mouse traps in all the corners and empty tubes of paint and dead mice
“This place is disgusting” says Penny “when was the last time you cleaned?”
“Cleaned?” said Marcel with a puzzled look on his face
“Come here I want to show you something”
We follow Marcel into his bathroom where he sits on the toilet and perched in front of him is a canvas on an easel and next to that a tray with different colored paints on it and brushes
“See I can paint while I shit, I can sit here all day and paint and shit and Lisa brings me drinks and food and I don’t have to go anywhere, I can just eat, drink, shit and paint, it’s marvellous”
“It’s genius” I say
“It’s disgusting and gross and unhygienic and the most disturbing thing I have ever seen” says Penny, “what does Lisa think of it?”
“She loves it, she gets the house to herself and when she wants to go to the toilet I just stand to the side”
“I’m getting out of here” yells Penny
We all go out into the lounge room and the front door opens and in walks Lisa
“Lisa Oh it’s so awful how do you put up with it? Bringing drinks and food to him in the toilet” says Penny
“Some of his best paintings have been done on the toilet”
“Oh Lisa it’s so awful”
Marcel throws his hands in the air as he walks across to Penny and yells
“We all shit, we are born and then we shit, we shit till we die and then when we die they suck the last bit of shit you have right out of you.”
“I paint to fill in time between shits”
“So that’s what you want to be known for? Painting and shitting” barks Penny
“Precisely, In fact you can do my eulogy, you will read”
Here lies Marcel Zimmerman, he was not a great man but a man non the least, a man who wanted nothing more than to paint and shit and eat and fuck, He was not a great man but a man non the least.
I laughed so hard I tripped on a beer can and landed on my ass, laughing among all the dead mice and the empty pizza boxes.
“What’s so funny you asshole?” yells Penny, “your not going to be remembered for much more, what do you suppose I will say at your funeral?”
Here lies Bo Bo, I wanted more, he could not give me more…………………..
Friday, October 17, 2008
The weather outside is frightful
Three months ago my wife said to me
“Its ok Bo you don’t need to wear a raincoat, the time has come”
“Ok, if the time has come” I said
Fast forward three months to today
You see that?
On the screen
That’s its leg
That’s it head
And that there
That’s its beating heart
Tonight I will smoke cigars and drink whisky
And be thankful
Thankful that I will get to be a Dad...........
“Its ok Bo you don’t need to wear a raincoat, the time has come”
“Ok, if the time has come” I said
Fast forward three months to today
You see that?
On the screen
That’s its leg
That’s it head
And that there
That’s its beating heart
Tonight I will smoke cigars and drink whisky
And be thankful
Thankful that I will get to be a Dad...........
Monday, October 13, 2008
The saddest smile I ever saw
We would drive down to the ocean as a family each year come May
And we would sit on the pier and drink sarsaparilla and fish off the pier.
Dad would sit in the car and listen to the radio
And we would catch fish and drink sarsaparilla
Mum would bait the hooks and smile and pour the drinks
And we would fish and drink
Dad in the car
Mum on the hooks, smiling
Dad would stick his head out the car window and yell; “Get me a fucking drink woman”
And mum would smile and dad would get his drink
And we would fish and drink sarsaparilla
And mum would smile and bait the hooks
And it was the saddest smile I ever saw....................
Been off sick for a while, so I will get around to you all and see what you have been up to.
And we would sit on the pier and drink sarsaparilla and fish off the pier.
Dad would sit in the car and listen to the radio
And we would catch fish and drink sarsaparilla
Mum would bait the hooks and smile and pour the drinks
And we would fish and drink
Dad in the car
Mum on the hooks, smiling
Dad would stick his head out the car window and yell; “Get me a fucking drink woman”
And mum would smile and dad would get his drink
And we would fish and drink sarsaparilla
And mum would smile and bait the hooks
And it was the saddest smile I ever saw....................
Been off sick for a while, so I will get around to you all and see what you have been up to.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Special #13
At 11:10pm AEST China launched the Shenzhou VII spacecraft from Jiuquan Satellite Launch Centre in northwest China. This mission is supposably all about China completing a 30 minute space walk and testing out a new ‘Made in China’ spacesuit.
Oh and building a Lab…..
A lab
What kind of fucking lab?
You can’t start off talking all about a 30 min space walk and testing out a fucking spacesuit then say as if an after thought… Oh and building a Lab.
What kind of fucking lab you cheeky cunts.
In a national televised event, China’s president Hu Jintao was there along with other senior leaders, one in which was foreign minister spokesman Liu Jianchao.
Now I’m all for space missions and research into future possibilities for humankind but why is it I’m a little nervous about China kicking it with ET.
In an article I read, a few things stood out as being a tad alarming to my ever critical self.
One of the Astronauts Zhai told president Hu “The motherland and the people can rest at ease”
The motherland?
What the fuck, why can they rest at ease?
I want to rest at eases but I can’t with these fuckers flying overhead in their Fudi Auto spaceships, kitted out with Hello Kitty accessories.
They then go on to say that getting comfortable with the art of spacewalking is a crucial step in China’s most immediate extraterrestrial ambition: to build a permanent space lab.
There’s that Lab again
A lab for what?
Answer me you planet polluting mother fuckers
It then goes on again with the space walks
The astronauts have trained together for more than a decade, but the mission is not without its risks, notably the space walk. The process of space walks cannot be simulated completely on the ground.
Oh but building an outer space death lab can?
You’re telling me that these two chopsticks have trained for 10 years and the main thing they’re worried about is a fucking spacewalk.
If that wasn’t enough to get me nervous, then the next two comments from foreign ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao certainly did.
Sly fucker Liu said the mission was part of China’s effort to “explore and make peaceful use of outer space.”
And
“We believe this will further promote our space flight technology and make a contribution to the peaceful use of outer space for all human beings.
Peaceful use
Human beings
The Motherland
A lab
What are you little fuckers up to?
It better not be like the Japanese and their Whale research boats
Or
Project MKULTRA
Whatever these bastards are up too I want to know
I don’t trust them
What do you think?
Oh and have a good weekend all
GO Storm
Oh and building a Lab…..
A lab
What kind of fucking lab?
You can’t start off talking all about a 30 min space walk and testing out a fucking spacesuit then say as if an after thought… Oh and building a Lab.
What kind of fucking lab you cheeky cunts.
In a national televised event, China’s president Hu Jintao was there along with other senior leaders, one in which was foreign minister spokesman Liu Jianchao.
Now I’m all for space missions and research into future possibilities for humankind but why is it I’m a little nervous about China kicking it with ET.
In an article I read, a few things stood out as being a tad alarming to my ever critical self.
One of the Astronauts Zhai told president Hu “The motherland and the people can rest at ease”
The motherland?
What the fuck, why can they rest at ease?
I want to rest at eases but I can’t with these fuckers flying overhead in their Fudi Auto spaceships, kitted out with Hello Kitty accessories.
They then go on to say that getting comfortable with the art of spacewalking is a crucial step in China’s most immediate extraterrestrial ambition: to build a permanent space lab.
There’s that Lab again
A lab for what?
Answer me you planet polluting mother fuckers
It then goes on again with the space walks
The astronauts have trained together for more than a decade, but the mission is not without its risks, notably the space walk. The process of space walks cannot be simulated completely on the ground.
Oh but building an outer space death lab can?
You’re telling me that these two chopsticks have trained for 10 years and the main thing they’re worried about is a fucking spacewalk.
If that wasn’t enough to get me nervous, then the next two comments from foreign ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao certainly did.
Sly fucker Liu said the mission was part of China’s effort to “explore and make peaceful use of outer space.”
And
“We believe this will further promote our space flight technology and make a contribution to the peaceful use of outer space for all human beings.
Peaceful use
Human beings
The Motherland
A lab
What are you little fuckers up to?
It better not be like the Japanese and their Whale research boats
Or
Project MKULTRA
Whatever these bastards are up too I want to know
I don’t trust them
What do you think?
Oh and have a good weekend all
GO Storm
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
New Sheets
Don’t undress my love
you might find a mannequin;
don’t undress the mannequin
you might find
my love.
She walked across the room towards me
Her left breast bigger than the right
I like the right
Her hair long down her back,
black and long down her back
Her cunt smooth and hairless
Another brunette, another bed, another house, new sheets
I lay naked stretched out, hands behind my head as requested
She walks with style, naked, hair long, cunt smooth and with style
Her right breast
With style
I feel vulnerable with this one
Has she found my weakness?
Does she know who I am?
She stops at the end of the bed and looks into my eyes
She looks deep
I feel vulnerable with this one
I can hear my heart, its beating fast
She knows my weakness
She looks deep and smirks, one side of her thin red lips curls up as she looks deep and smirks, hands behind my head
I hear my heart; it’s all I can hear
The room is small
I need to get away
I need to get out
My breath quickens
She knows too much already
We only just met
“You like classical music don’t you Bo”? She whispers
My hair stands to attention and my body stiffens
“Why do you think that”? I stammer
My heart is thumping and I start to sweat
“I know all about you Bo”? She whispers
As she places one knee on the bed
My hands frozen behind my head
Her other knee follows
I can’t move
I can’t think
I feel vulnerable with this one
The beating of my heart is interrupted as Mozart starts playing on her stereo
“You’re favorite” She whispers
I lay there stiff, frozen, hands behind my head, naked
New sheets
She straddles me
Her hair long and black
My hands behind my head
Her face inches away from mine
She whispers
“I know you”
I feel vulnerable with this one....................
you might find a mannequin;
don’t undress the mannequin
you might find
my love.
She walked across the room towards me
Her left breast bigger than the right
I like the right
Her hair long down her back,
black and long down her back
Her cunt smooth and hairless
Another brunette, another bed, another house, new sheets
I lay naked stretched out, hands behind my head as requested
She walks with style, naked, hair long, cunt smooth and with style
Her right breast
With style
I feel vulnerable with this one
Has she found my weakness?
Does she know who I am?
She stops at the end of the bed and looks into my eyes
She looks deep
I feel vulnerable with this one
I can hear my heart, its beating fast
She knows my weakness
She looks deep and smirks, one side of her thin red lips curls up as she looks deep and smirks, hands behind my head
I hear my heart; it’s all I can hear
The room is small
I need to get away
I need to get out
My breath quickens
She knows too much already
We only just met
“You like classical music don’t you Bo”? She whispers
My hair stands to attention and my body stiffens
“Why do you think that”? I stammer
My heart is thumping and I start to sweat
“I know all about you Bo”? She whispers
As she places one knee on the bed
My hands frozen behind my head
Her other knee follows
I can’t move
I can’t think
I feel vulnerable with this one
The beating of my heart is interrupted as Mozart starts playing on her stereo
“You’re favorite” She whispers
I lay there stiff, frozen, hands behind my head, naked
New sheets
She straddles me
Her hair long and black
My hands behind my head
Her face inches away from mine
She whispers
“I know you”
I feel vulnerable with this one....................
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Have you seen it? It’s around here somewhere…………
It’s been about three months solid off the grog and the smokes and the substances I like to throw down and what have I got to show for it?
What?
Healthy liver
Healthy lungs
Healthy bank balance
Healthy promotion
A happy wife and a healthy marriage
But all this at what cost I ask?
I’M FUCKING BORED SHITLESS FOR FUCK SAKE
The bills are being paid on time, the gas bills, the electricity bills, the telephone bills.
I’m a fucking valued customer now. Six months ago I was utility enemy number one.
I now go for nightly walks with the wife and the dog around the neighbourhood streets and smile and make small talk to other dog owners we meet on the way
“Oh what a cute dog” they say
“What’s his name” they say
“Our dog is five” they say
“And his name is George” they say
(FUCK UP AND DIE YOU CUNTING WANKERS)
I smile through gritted teeth trying not to vomit into my mouth and look to my wife to do the talking.
Last weekend I actually spent a whole day looking at linen.
FUCKING LINEN
I know the fucking cotton thread count of every fucking major brand on the fucking market
And that’s not all
I’m using words at work I have never used before like
“In moving forward”
And
“But is it sustainable”
I even used the word synergy in a sentence
It’s got to fucking stop.
I’m loosing my soul
I went to the doctor’s to talk, in talk I mean give me drugs, lots of drugs, drugs to make sure that when in moving forward it’s sustainable and can be achieved in synergy
“Doc I’m going mad” I tell him
“Why is that Bo?”
“I’m writing shopping lists and drinking organic rice milk” I tell him
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I fucking hate rice milk that’s what’s wrong, stay with me Doc”
“Ok and what else”
“I’m not drinking, I’m not smoking and the only woman I’m fucking is my wife”
“That’s a good thing Bo” he says
“Don’t patronise me Doc”
“Ok then why is this not a good thing Bo?”
“I’m a womanising drunk with the sex drive of a rabbit and the now highlight of my week is watching ‘That’s Gold’ on the NRL Footy show and seeing QBE get up $1.40 on the stock market”
“So is this change in lifestyle affecting you” he says
“I wouldn’t be sitting here banging my head against a brick wall with you if it wasn’t now would I Doc”
“So how can I help you Bo?”
“I was hoping you could tell me, seeing how much you’re charging me for this consultation”
“Ok Bo I’m going to prescribe you a course of Valium. Take one in the morning and one at night, this will help you with you’re anxiety”
“First smart thing you’ve said in 20 minutes Doc”
I left that doctors surgery and went next door to the chemist to get my prescription filled
Once I got my prescription filled I went to the next, next door and got six longneck Carlton Draughts from the bottle shop
Whoever put these three businesses next to each other didn’t have the goodness of humankind in mind.
Or they are pure fucking geniuses
I jumped in the car, cracked a longneck and popped three Valium and steered the car to the nearest brothel
I have a soul to get back.
So as you can see fuckers I have been very busy pretending to be someone I’m not and paying the ultimate price of loosing ones soul.
I have not been writing at all and not spending anytime on the internet apart from checking in on my favourite porn sites for some well needed masturbation.
I will be around to all of you soon and spending some time reading and catching up on what you have all been up to. I still need to find out what happened to Fingers and the Brain, two geniuses at work.
I have probably been voted out by the blogging tribal counsel cause of my absence as I know how fucking fragile some of you cunts can be.
Will be around soon
Till then
FUCK OFF
What?
Healthy liver
Healthy lungs
Healthy bank balance
Healthy promotion
A happy wife and a healthy marriage
But all this at what cost I ask?
I’M FUCKING BORED SHITLESS FOR FUCK SAKE
The bills are being paid on time, the gas bills, the electricity bills, the telephone bills.
I’m a fucking valued customer now. Six months ago I was utility enemy number one.
I now go for nightly walks with the wife and the dog around the neighbourhood streets and smile and make small talk to other dog owners we meet on the way
“Oh what a cute dog” they say
“What’s his name” they say
“Our dog is five” they say
“And his name is George” they say
(FUCK UP AND DIE YOU CUNTING WANKERS)
I smile through gritted teeth trying not to vomit into my mouth and look to my wife to do the talking.
Last weekend I actually spent a whole day looking at linen.
FUCKING LINEN
I know the fucking cotton thread count of every fucking major brand on the fucking market
And that’s not all
I’m using words at work I have never used before like
“In moving forward”
And
“But is it sustainable”
I even used the word synergy in a sentence
It’s got to fucking stop.
I’m loosing my soul
I went to the doctor’s to talk, in talk I mean give me drugs, lots of drugs, drugs to make sure that when in moving forward it’s sustainable and can be achieved in synergy
“Doc I’m going mad” I tell him
“Why is that Bo?”
“I’m writing shopping lists and drinking organic rice milk” I tell him
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I fucking hate rice milk that’s what’s wrong, stay with me Doc”
“Ok and what else”
“I’m not drinking, I’m not smoking and the only woman I’m fucking is my wife”
“That’s a good thing Bo” he says
“Don’t patronise me Doc”
“Ok then why is this not a good thing Bo?”
“I’m a womanising drunk with the sex drive of a rabbit and the now highlight of my week is watching ‘That’s Gold’ on the NRL Footy show and seeing QBE get up $1.40 on the stock market”
“So is this change in lifestyle affecting you” he says
“I wouldn’t be sitting here banging my head against a brick wall with you if it wasn’t now would I Doc”
“So how can I help you Bo?”
“I was hoping you could tell me, seeing how much you’re charging me for this consultation”
“Ok Bo I’m going to prescribe you a course of Valium. Take one in the morning and one at night, this will help you with you’re anxiety”
“First smart thing you’ve said in 20 minutes Doc”
I left that doctors surgery and went next door to the chemist to get my prescription filled
Once I got my prescription filled I went to the next, next door and got six longneck Carlton Draughts from the bottle shop
Whoever put these three businesses next to each other didn’t have the goodness of humankind in mind.
Or they are pure fucking geniuses
I jumped in the car, cracked a longneck and popped three Valium and steered the car to the nearest brothel
I have a soul to get back.
So as you can see fuckers I have been very busy pretending to be someone I’m not and paying the ultimate price of loosing ones soul.
I have not been writing at all and not spending anytime on the internet apart from checking in on my favourite porn sites for some well needed masturbation.
I will be around to all of you soon and spending some time reading and catching up on what you have all been up to. I still need to find out what happened to Fingers and the Brain, two geniuses at work.
I have probably been voted out by the blogging tribal counsel cause of my absence as I know how fucking fragile some of you cunts can be.
Will be around soon
Till then
FUCK OFF
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Uno and Ouzo
I was working in a dirty shit-hole kitchen in St Kilda as an apprentice
A marvellous introduction into the world of commercial cooking
It was a real dump, there was food stains on the roof, green rotten bacon in the drop fridges, mouldy soups that would be mixed together and put up on the specials board
The head chef was a big Greek man who would walk in and say “Who we gonna kill today ah you motherfuckers”?
He always played 80’s music during service and sang at the top of his voice
I was in charge of the cold larder section, cockroach salads and mice terrine
The job was shit and so was the pay
But the wait staff were top notch.
They were all uni students studying art or some subject that would eventually help them get into a leading call centre one day
There was this one girl Josephine who was a ballerina in training and she had the most tremendous posture I had ever seen.
She would glide across the kitchen: back straight, head perfectly angled and an ass like an eleven year old boy and she couldn’t put a move wrong.
Not in my book
I cut my finger nail clean off twice just from looking at that ass glide on by
She was crazy too, she’d sneak up on me from behind and slap me across the back of my head real hard and when I turned around she would grab my ears with both hands and pull me too her and plant a big kiss smack on my lips and say “It’s cold and rainy outside with a slight south westerly” and she would turn on her toes and glide off.
She only worked Friday & Saturday nights and on those nights after work she would come over to my apartment, sit at my kitchen table and play Uno and drink Ouzo.
I’d drink whisky straight up and smoke cheap cigars and let the ash fall on the table
She would shoot her Ouzo down, each time, wipe her mouth with the back of her hand and say “That’ll put hair on ya chest, too right it will”
We never had a straight conversation, it was always in statements or riddles or looks or physical
If I said something she didn’t like she would slap me across the face
If I said something that she liked she would grab my balls and wink
It could be something as little as “Would you like a cup of tea”?
SLAP
“How about Ouzo”?
BALLS, WINK
I never offered much tea
She would craft little faces or figures out of my cigar ash on the table using a toothpick, give them names like Frank or Gretel and baptise them with Ouzo washing them away
“Why you gotta do that on my table”? I’d say
“Fuck you they have as much right to go to heaven as you do” she’d say
“Why use the Ouzo? It gets on the floor and I stick to it all week, use the water”
“You’re not gunna get into heaven with that attitude Mr” she’d say and toss a shot of Ouzo at me and then she would deal another hand
She always won at Uno; I was never much a fan I just played it to keep her there. I liked having her around; she wasn’t dull like most other girls
Also, we never once had sex
She said she was saving herself for Mr Right
“I’m saving myself for Mr Right” she’d say
I was not him
Instead we would sit at the kitchen table where we drank and played and smoked and baptised and we would take our pants off and masturbate together too miss matched celebrities
She would rub her clitorises and say “Julia Roberts and Humphrey Bogart” and she would close her eyes and moan
I would work my cock and say “Marilyn Monroe and Jack Nicholson” and she would close her eyes and moan
Sometimes I would say the wrong name and she would open her eyes and slap me
When we came we would yell “UNO” and she would come over to me and lick the cum off my hand and leg and take a shot of Ouzo and say “That’ll put hair on ya chest, too right it will”
I still see her sometimes when I go to the Ballet
Watching her glide across the stage like she did in the kitchen
She did find Mr Right, a local minister out in the suburbs
I hope he likes Uno
PS. Sorry fuckers for not being around too much lately, the fuckers I work for gave me a promotion and now I have to pretend I know what I’m doing at a whole new pay level. Will be around soon
Till then
FUCK OFF
A marvellous introduction into the world of commercial cooking
It was a real dump, there was food stains on the roof, green rotten bacon in the drop fridges, mouldy soups that would be mixed together and put up on the specials board
The head chef was a big Greek man who would walk in and say “Who we gonna kill today ah you motherfuckers”?
He always played 80’s music during service and sang at the top of his voice
I was in charge of the cold larder section, cockroach salads and mice terrine
The job was shit and so was the pay
But the wait staff were top notch.
They were all uni students studying art or some subject that would eventually help them get into a leading call centre one day
There was this one girl Josephine who was a ballerina in training and she had the most tremendous posture I had ever seen.
She would glide across the kitchen: back straight, head perfectly angled and an ass like an eleven year old boy and she couldn’t put a move wrong.
Not in my book
I cut my finger nail clean off twice just from looking at that ass glide on by
She was crazy too, she’d sneak up on me from behind and slap me across the back of my head real hard and when I turned around she would grab my ears with both hands and pull me too her and plant a big kiss smack on my lips and say “It’s cold and rainy outside with a slight south westerly” and she would turn on her toes and glide off.
She only worked Friday & Saturday nights and on those nights after work she would come over to my apartment, sit at my kitchen table and play Uno and drink Ouzo.
I’d drink whisky straight up and smoke cheap cigars and let the ash fall on the table
She would shoot her Ouzo down, each time, wipe her mouth with the back of her hand and say “That’ll put hair on ya chest, too right it will”
We never had a straight conversation, it was always in statements or riddles or looks or physical
If I said something she didn’t like she would slap me across the face
If I said something that she liked she would grab my balls and wink
It could be something as little as “Would you like a cup of tea”?
SLAP
“How about Ouzo”?
BALLS, WINK
I never offered much tea
She would craft little faces or figures out of my cigar ash on the table using a toothpick, give them names like Frank or Gretel and baptise them with Ouzo washing them away
“Why you gotta do that on my table”? I’d say
“Fuck you they have as much right to go to heaven as you do” she’d say
“Why use the Ouzo? It gets on the floor and I stick to it all week, use the water”
“You’re not gunna get into heaven with that attitude Mr” she’d say and toss a shot of Ouzo at me and then she would deal another hand
She always won at Uno; I was never much a fan I just played it to keep her there. I liked having her around; she wasn’t dull like most other girls
Also, we never once had sex
She said she was saving herself for Mr Right
“I’m saving myself for Mr Right” she’d say
I was not him
Instead we would sit at the kitchen table where we drank and played and smoked and baptised and we would take our pants off and masturbate together too miss matched celebrities
She would rub her clitorises and say “Julia Roberts and Humphrey Bogart” and she would close her eyes and moan
I would work my cock and say “Marilyn Monroe and Jack Nicholson” and she would close her eyes and moan
Sometimes I would say the wrong name and she would open her eyes and slap me
When we came we would yell “UNO” and she would come over to me and lick the cum off my hand and leg and take a shot of Ouzo and say “That’ll put hair on ya chest, too right it will”
I still see her sometimes when I go to the Ballet
Watching her glide across the stage like she did in the kitchen
She did find Mr Right, a local minister out in the suburbs
I hope he likes Uno
PS. Sorry fuckers for not being around too much lately, the fuckers I work for gave me a promotion and now I have to pretend I know what I’m doing at a whole new pay level. Will be around soon
Till then
FUCK OFF
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