Sorry Dear..............

Wuzz up mo fo’s. Well I’m back at work after a two week break. ‘DAY FUCKING ONE’ and it’s killing me. Oh to be back at home with a tube a KY, box a Kleenex and my trusty quick draw hand, scrounging through the endless delights of YouPorn.com (I fucking love that shit). Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t spend all my two weeks banging my cock to a funky beat here in Melbourne, I went up to Newcastle for a week where I banged my cock to a funky beat.

Re…Re…REWIND

Let me fill you in on the Melbourne sector of my holidays. To me the word ‘HOLIDAY’ means home, relaxation, beer, porn, TV, farting, eating and FUCKING. To my wife the word ‘HOLIDAY’ means fill Bo’s day’s up with as much FUCKING SHIT as possible. The bitch had the whole week planed.

And it goes a little something like this.

Wife- Ok Bo today I’m working from 7am till 3pm and in that time I want you to clean the Kitchen, call the bank, walk the dog, sort through the crap under the bed, clean out you’re desk, pay the Electricity & Gas bills, call you’re mum and organise a lunch for this week and book in a hair cut for Wednesday. And tomorrow…..

BoBo- Hold you’re horses sweetheart, one day at a time.

3:15pm wife walks in the door.

Wife- Hi honey

BoBo- Hi dear

Wife- Did you get the list done?

BoBo- No dear

Wife- WHAT? why not?.

BoBo- Been busy dear

Wife- BUSY DOING WHAT ?

BoBo- Just stuff dear

Wife- STUFF? WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE ALL DAY?

BoBo- Booked a flight to Newcastle, I’m on holidays woman and I’m not going to have you fuck it up for me. Now you’ve got me for 4 days. What’s first?

Needless to say she worked my ass for those 4 days but by the time I was up in the air and on my way to Newcastle with a beer in my hand served to me buy Adriana the giggling flight attendant, I’d forgotten all about the 4 days working on the chain.

Newcastle, what a fucking whole of a place that is. But I didn’t go up there for what the tourist information board had to offer. I went up there to see my good mate Berno. Now people the last time I was in Newcastle I ended up being arrested for impersonating a Police officer in a Bunny suite. So I knew it was going to be a good time.

Day one (Thursday) was spent driving around to different houses collecting the various substances that were going to fuel us on this week of mayhem. Day two (Friday) we started drinking around fuck knows what time, I don’t wear a watch when on holidays. At Berno’s house for the morning then moved onto various shitty local pubs till we finally ended up at this shmiko place called the Junction Hotel. The chicks there were unbelievable, I can tell why the unemployment level is so high, all these chick must do is lay on the beach tanning their stunning bodies. And thank fuck for that. I thought I was a man on a mission when I boarded the plane but that was fucking nothing compared to this, now I was a rabid dog just looking for a leg or two or 10 to gnaw on.

I was all over the place throwing money left, right and centre talking to anything that moved (might be due to the fact I was coked up to the eyeballs) when I found myself in the back of a Maxi Taxi getting blown by two 40 year old mums. The drive took about 45min which was just enough time for me to blow my load into the mum with the short hair and let them out at one of their houses and told the taxi driver to take me back to where he had picked me up from.

Day three (Saturday) no sleep what so ever, still buzzing and smoking a few J’s to wind down a bit. At some stage through the day though it was thought a stroke of genius that we should replicate my last trip to Newcastle but instead of just me going out in a bunny suite, we ALL should go out in bunny suites. So we set off in search of 15 bunny suites. After searching for most of the day all we could come up with were 6 bunny suites, 2 Donald Duck costumes, a horse costume for two, 2 Mickey Mouse get up’s and 3 Cinderella outfits. (tonight was going to be FUCKING awesome)

In the first pub we were nearly lynched by a group of red neck steal workers who don’t take to kindly to blokes dressed as Cinderella in their fine establishment. Luckily the horses head knew one of them and it was all sorted out without us having to go fairytale on their asses.

This kind of shit went on for most of the night but in-between hostile red necks and the occasional bloke kicking the horse up it’s ass to which they were bum rushed by half of Disney World, the chicks absolutely LOVED it.

I lost count of how many girls just came up and wanted a pash with the Easter bunny or how many times I walked into the blokes toilets to see Cinderella getting a blow job, Mickey mouse banging a leggy blond or Donald Duck doing lines on the cistern. It was one of the best nights of my life, I have never laughed so hard, fucked so hard and partied so hard in god knows how long, this night was going down in the history books…

The rest of the week was spent pretty much the same way drinking, snorting and fucking my way through Newcastle. What a holiday.


Wife- Hi honey how was your holiday?

Bo- Great honey

Wife- What did you get up to?

Bo- You know dressed up as the Easter Bunny, snorted lines of coke, fucked chicks and got into fights with Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Cinderella and a horse.

Wife- You can never give me a straight answer, you’re always joking around.

Bo- Sorry Dear.