How to piss off and influence people

Last Friday saw our work Christmas party which was held at a crappy bar in the city of Melbourne. In attendance were staff members from all departments, including my state manager and my regional manager who slowly over the period of say 10 or 20 pints were the recipients of my ridicule and abuse. To quote “Yeww donnt noooo shit ya farken packa cuntz” end quote. To quote ‘ Yeww sit ver in ya farken gwass howzes frowen stonez at awll uz little cuntz………. I needz a pissh, waate ver foor a sekound” end quote.

Funnily enough when I got back from relieving myself they were not where I had left them. I went on to drink, grope, offend and slander pretty much all of the party attendees only to wake up the next morning in the bed of my regional manager. Apparently she was turned on by my utter disregard for my professional career and came back at the end of the night to take me home to her place where I spewed on her wall, pissed on her dog and passed out in her laundry trying to smell her knickers.

I must have had the best fucking time cause all the emails and phone calls I have gotten from the different people in attendance have ranged from Anger, disgust and pure fucken legendism (legendism is my own word so fuck off). I have had the state manager on the phone wanting me to chair a committee on ways we can better communicate on a state level, blokes who I must of met on the night congratulating me, chicks who I must of groped and offended asking to go out for a drink one night and my fucking regional manager giving me the dates of when her fucking husband is away on business.

I FUCKING LOVE WORK CHRISTMAS PARTIES!!!!!!!!